Monday, September 19, 2011

Worst Movies Ever Blogfest

I admit when I saw the rocking Alex J. Cavanaugh's invitation for the Worst Movie Ever Blogfest, I thought it would be easy. Who hasn’t seen an awful movie and wished they hadn’t even spent the money for a movie rental/matinee show/Netflix fee?

The reality is, I've either forgotten most of the really awful ones, or purposely blocked them from my mind to protect myself. There were really only 3 or 4 that stood out that met the qualifications for this blogfest - had to a be a movie released on screen or DVD first, and not made for TV. I know there have been other perfectly awful movies over the years that I have seen, but these are the ones that stand out over time as being the worst ever, can't-believe-I wasted-my time-or-money watching them.

King Kong (the classic) – in short summary: scream and faint, scream and faint, and some Freudian references about men, women, and great apes.

Watching this movie as a teen, late at night, trying to figure out why it was so loved or considered a classic, I realized that I NEVER wanted to write a heroine that weak, or hero that dumb. Lesson learned. The only scene I like from the movie is where King Kong hangs from the Empire State Building, you know the one that most people know without ever torturing themselves by watching the whole movie.
Oh, and I hate the new King Kong too. It didn't get any better with a facelift.

Bonfire of the Vanities – a literary comedy about shallow, selfish people that was stilted, boring, and anything but funny.

Based on a literary book that was based on Ecclesiastes, the statement “all is meaningless, a chasing after the wind” gives you an idea of what it feels like to sit through this movie. I almost didn’t make it, but a friend of mine wanted to see if it got better. It didn’t. I’ve had people tell me that if I didn’t enjoy it, it’s because I just didn’t get the rich, literary irony. Sorry. I did get the attempts at literary irony. They sucked. It had great actors going through the motions of attempting to show the shallow lives of their characters, but they just came off stilted and ineffectual.

Expendables – an action movie with too many tired action heroes.

I thought having Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenagger, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Steve Austin, and Terry Crews in one action-packed movie would be fun. I was wrong. The movie should have been made into a comedy, but instead it tried to be serious. The torture of the General’s daughter was icky to watch, and made the tears that the heroes shed over their own lost souls seem shallow. I know they were supposed to be crying over the loss of innocence, but it felt like they were just crying over themselves. And they looked like they had to use onion juice to get the tears. It just didn’t work for me, and most of the lines seemed stilted. Statham and Jet Li were still great in their roles, but even they couldn’t make this movie worthwhile.

Speed 2 - do I really have to explain?

Sandra is one of my favorite actresses, but this movie ... well, I barely made it past the first 10 minutes. Once you know the set up, you know the movie. There are no interesting quirks, turns, or sparks to make this movie entertaining.

Almost any horror movie with Bruce Campbell – he’s funny, the movies he’s in are just plain dumb.

And, actually almost any horror movie makes into this category for me anyway. Horror usually equals dumb. And when it doesn't, I have nightmares. So either way, I generally don't watch them any more.

And there are many other awful movies, but I'm trying really hard to forget them, if I haven't already.

Scripture Blessings:
"I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind." Ecclesiastes 1:14

"There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth: righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve. This too I say is meaningless." Ecclesiastes 8:14

So, shall we chase after the wind, or should we chase after the Lord? (for me that's the pointed question of Ecclesiastes.)

Life Blessings:
Walked/Ran a 10K Yesterday!

Visited a sweet angel in the hospital!

Made more progress on my WIP revision this weekend than I have in a week (mixed blessing)


Karen Lange said...

This is a fun blogfest - it's interesting to see your choices. Don't think I saw any of these, thankfully :)

Blessings for the week,

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Expendables had potential - and was so pedestrian and bland! I do dig Bruce Campbell. Have you ever seen him in the Western series Brisco County Jr.?
Thanks for participating in the blogfest!

iZombie [2vs8] said...

oh boy, thems be fightin' words... i love bruce campbell, he is like a brother to me that i have only met like twice. some of his better work includes brisco county jr, xena, american gothic, x-files, and burn notice... i know movies... he has been in some crap, but he always finds his way out...
i love bad/worst movies, these lists are tough!

Wendy Tyler Ryan said...

I love Bruce Campbell for the pure cheese. His movies are never really meant to be anything other than cult.

I wouldn't put the expendables on my worst list. There are far more movies worse than that.

The Golden Eagle said...

I've never seen any of these movies . . . though I agree with you on horror. A lot of it either makes me think it's ridiculous and melodramatic or scares me. (But there are some horror books that I've liked.)

Angie said...

Thankfully haven't seen any of those! Good luck with the revisions.

Tyrean Martinson said...

Karen - it has been an interesting blogfest. Glad you haven't seen any of those movies.

Alex - I agree about Expendables - it had the potential and then died . . . which bugs me as much as something that is just rotten from the get-go. Bruce Campbell is funny - seems I didn't word that part right.

iZombie - Didn't mean that I didn't like Bruce - just didn't like his horror flicks. He has been in some interesting stuff, and usually he does fight his way out with humor.

Wendy - meant that Bruce Campbell's cheese is funny-still don't like those horror movies any better. And Expendables may not be the worst, but it totally disappointed me and is my most recent worst.

Golden Eagle - Be thankful! And I know what you mean - horror on the written page is far more frightening and more likeable than it ever gets in movies.

Angie - Thanks!!!

Lydia Kang said...

Congrats on the 10K! Too bad the Expendables was bad--it had a semi-ok cast.

Joanne said...

One night My husband and I (newly married) decided to rent a scary movie. we rented one with Bruce campbell (evil dead) and I barely made it through 10 minutes of it. I couldn't sleep for a week....every time I had to go to the bathroom at night I would wake up hubby so he could watch me as I went in and out of the bathroom! Speed two is just about the worst movie ever!
Blessings, Joanne

Jennie Bailey said...

Your commentary is hilarious! I will watch anything with Bruce Campbell in it numerous times...except Congo. I love that man!

msmariah said...

Hi Tyrean, great list. I really like your choices. I almost completely forgot how much I hated Bonfire of the Vanities.

FYI. Your blog isn't displayed in your profile, so I had to do a google search to check out your blog. Great blog by the way. I'm following you now.

Tyrean Martinson said...

Lydia - Thanks!

Joanne - LOL - been there, and had those nightmares.

Jennie - Thanks!

msmariah - Thank you! I'll check that, and see if I can fix it.